February 27th Happy Anniversary Daddy

One week today, February 27, 2008 is the first anniversary of my Father's (Arthur Fitkin ) home-going to Jesus. He has been deeply missed, but we believe in Resurrection of the Dead because of the atoning work of Jesus, the Christ. That is what my Father taught us.

This poem is in memoriam

Daddy,
It's been a year, since you passed away,
Not one day goes by, without relief from this pain.
I miss you so, my friend, and brother,
The greatest daddy one could ever muster.

The memories of you, so ill, remain quite fresh,
But I am beginning to recall the days of old.
When you laughed and sang, played and loved.

You were always there to wipe away my tears
And kiss my shin when I fell down.
You were simply, a perfect Dad.

Today, I think of you in hockey gear, at the cottage and on your bus.
I remember Florida sunsets and Virgina winds.
I see clearly the way you and mommy always held hands.

When I think upon you, nearly everyday, I remember most what it was, you used to say,
"Remember Jesus, he loves you Pammy. Remember what Jesus did, everyday".
My redeemer, my King and brother too, was what you taught Me,
To trust and do.

So from this day forth, I will recall the hope in Resurrection you instilled,
I will grieve no more, for my sorrow has turned to joy.

I cry sometimes, but that's okay because I know that you are at
Rest and play, within His arms, our loving God.
The time has come to move along, not to look back, but forward still,
Until the day we're together again.

Happy Anniversary, one year with Jesus.
Say hi to mommy, nana, papa, grandma and grandpa too.
I miss you all so deeply and true.
But soon will be together again, 'cause that is what God has promised.
So I will remember what you have said and continue trusting in the
Lord again.

With my eternal love, your daughter,
Pamela
Toronto, February 20, 2008

What Is Our Hope?

A few days ago a dear lady from my church, called to encourage me. Marilyn, is a senior with a tremendous life story. A PhD in her own right and a native New Yorker lends to her often fantastical personality which I have the privilege of knowing. I have expressed some recent discouragement to her and she called that day, to say, "she had something for me". Her something was the following sentence. "To hope, until hope creates the thing it contemplates".
Since that conversation, I have been pondering her gift and I called her to ask' where did it come from'? She could not remember. So briefly, with the help of the internet, we discovered together that it was part of a Percy Shelley quote (August 4, 1792 – July 8, 1822. The full quote is as follows:

"To suffer woes which Hope thinks infinite; To forgive wrongs darker than death or night; To defy power which seems omnipotent; To love, and bear; to hope till Hope creates From its own wreck the thing it contemplates".

This quote is from Prometheus Unboun , a Lyrical Drama, which was completed at Florence in the autumn of 1819, In Prometheus, an inverted plot of a lost play by Aeschylus, is found
In Act IV, and the closing lines of the drama, Demogorgon (as far as I know a Demogorgon is a terrible deity, whose very name was capable of producing the most horrible effects) speaks those words to all creatures that, should the fragile state of grace be lost, they can restore their moral freedom through these “spells”:
This has caught my attention greatly, especially when thinking about hope as a "spell".
I am not sure I understand all of this, especially in light of Shelley being an Athiets. What hope was he looking for, what does it mean that Grace is lost? More specifically, what type of hope is really being offered especially by Demogorgon?
I know that I hope in being resurrected the way Jesus of Nazareth was. And I hope to see my loved ones again who have "died in Christ" and finally I hope daily for my needs to be met. This is a hope that is always answered. I guess then I "contemplate" Jesus regularly and even though through wrong thoughts deeds and words I "wreck" my witness in Jesus, I am still hopeful and know that I am loved.
My friend who offered these words of hope knows this too and I am thankful that we share a common hope in Jesus. In the end I think Shelley and Demogorgon are after the same thing and that is hope found in God. Saint Paul says in Romans 15:13, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit". And in Matthew 12:21 "In his name the nations will put their hope".

Today, if you are wondering about hope and you feel that grace is lost, remember Jesus. He had the hope of being resurrected-and He was!

What Am I Giving Up for Lent? FEAR

The last three weeks, if you have been following my blog, know that it has been a difficult time for me. I have walked through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. I have willfully walked outside of God's Kingdom in search of an easier path and I have been ruefully living in fear.
So what's going on and how am I trying to give all of this to the Lord?

When looking at Psalm 51 I feel like King David has written that Psalm just for me. David says in verses 2,3,4,

"Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin.For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night. Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just".

My rebellion has been to accept a spirit of fear and impatience. I have let fear control me. This fear comes from not having a structured time schedule, not having a job, missing my best friend who is in Africa, having a husband who is going through his own difficult time and by not spending deep quality time with Jesus.
It is a difficult time that I am going through, but I have made it more difficult by not spending time with God and asking God to fill me with His wisdom, patience and grace to endure longsuffering.
Now that we have entered into the Lenten season and as our hearts begin to prepare to worship and remember the agony of Jesus leading to His death, I have decided to confess my sin, return to God, for I know He loves me. I will do this by releasing this spirit of fear and capture instead, God's spirit of love, mercy and joy.
Psalm 51 goes onto say, "

"Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me— now let me rejoice".

I have been broken and my heart is contrite. I accept the Lord's cleansing and I begin today afresh. I know the road ahead seems dark and murky, but "His rod and His staff shall comfort me"
David finishes Psalm 51 by saying,

"You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God".

Why does David say this? Because of how he begins the Psalm David knows that, God will have mercy on him "because of [His] unfailing love.

Lent is a time for us to reflect on what Jesus gave up when He came to earth, a time to reflect on how amazing God's love is for us and a serious time to reflect what sin we must trade in for God's holyness and righteoussness.
I am giving up fear and trading it in for trust!

I Love Winter, but....

I really love winter. I love the glory of snow and this morning when I woke up to our, what 20 billionth snow storm? I thought, 'Wow how gorgeous is that'.
Now the truth is, I am getting tired of it-actually I am tired of all the precipitation, if we could now just have three or four days with some sunshine this snow would be picture perfect-but that is not the plan. Anyway, we should rejoice in this beautiful creation of God's and get out and make snow angels!

Here is me, doing just that from last weeks storm: