When Friendships Hurt

Sometimes we hurt each other. It's horrible when we do. Sometimes friendships end and that can be very sad or maybe very good. Friendships can be very safe places, but sometimes we fail to love the way we should.
This week I failed a friend, someone I care very much for. I also spent a few days wondering what happened to our friendship, where the car veered off the road so to speak. I tried emails and then a general chat to see what went wrong. They had decided to ignore me, they were hurt and now I was too. Today, I saw my friend many times and my heart was aching as to why we weren't communicating in a loving Christian way. Finally, after a miserable day I went to my friend and said, "Please talk to me, sort this out with me, what's happened? I feel horrible and I am worried". My friend felt horrible too and we talked about the way we both hurt. After much tender discussion we are okay-not great, but we both have promised not to give up on our friendship. For my friends grace and forgiveness I am very thankful.
In thinking about this difficult time with my friend, my mind has kept wandering back to Judas and Jesus. Judas Iscariot of course is one of the original 12 disciples of Jesus, who we are told in the Gospel of John, carried the disciples' money bag. He was their treasurer. He was trusted, he was part of an unique inner circle. He had his feet washed by Jesus, saw the miracles of Jesus and probably believed Jesus was Israel's Messiah. He played with Jesus, worshiped with Jesus, ate with Jesus, etc.. Judas was one, with the most popular man of his time. However, something happened in their friendship that led Judas down a road where he ended up making choices that betrayed his friend.
I often wonder what would have happened had Judas not killed himself? What would reconciliation have looked liked in their friendship? What kind and how deep could the forgiveness and grace been? Judas it seemed lost a very important opportunity to be reconciled to Jesus and the others,the way Saint Peter had.
When we hurt each other, say unkind words, be impatient or curt, betray or even disrespect one another we are in turn doing these things to Jesus and to the whole body of Christ. Scripture tells us that "when one suffers we all suffer and when one rejoices we all rejoice (1Cor.12). Judas betrayed Jesus deeply and in turn hurt the other disciples.
When my friend and I were having trouble this week I knew it had to be sorted out and I am glad I went to them and that we talked. I am hoping for further reconciliation, but I will not push this matter. We both need some time to think on how we could have better treated one another. Though, I am thankful through God's grace, that we have begun to listen and share where the friendship had veered of the road. Too bad Judas could not have done that, can you imagine what kind of apostle he would have been? And that is the lesson in all of this, that when we hurt each other we must acknowledge our mistake, ask for forgiveness and offer grace. We need to listen more to one another and bear each others burdens. And when someone has hurt us, we too must offer forgiveness for when we do we are restored to one another. When we don't do this we lose sight and reject what Jesus has done for us.
Through Jesus' life and sacrifice we are all made friends of God and it is this paradigm where Christian friendships find their life.
I am deeply sorry I hurt my friend. I will seek to serve them better in the future, in the name of Jesus.
In Christian Friendship,
Pamela

Preaching Prep

One of the things that I have really enjoyed this summer is mine and Adele's weekly trip to the library to work on our sermons. I am not sure Adele is always happy with me as we prepare sermons very differently. I like to discuss what I have read or stumbled on. She is more contemplative. I like to think out loud and share with those around me. She often likes to climb into her pile of books and emerge hours later, having literally ignored the world around. I read quickly, she is more methodical. We have very different styles of preaching preparation. And I am sure there have been more than one day where she has had the thought, why did I bring Pamela?
One of the things I have discovered in this process of weekly sermon preparation is that I firmly believe sermons must be created in community. Yes, I agree that preachers must do a healthy exegesis of their congregation first, but what about actually writing the sermon with them? Some of the best times this summer have been talking with other preachers who sit by the hour at the library tables and share with me what they are preaching on and why and to whom. We have shared insights, asked hard questions of each other and occasionally prayed for one another. When we struggled with a particular text we would share that struggle. This summer, one man, every Friday asked me what I thought of his introductions to his sermons, that he would read to me. Another shared his fear of being a preacher, a fear we all shared. It has been an interesting journey with these fellow sermon writers and I have really enjoyed learning and working with them so much so that I have come to the conviction that sermons should always be written with a group of people. I know that there will be people that disagree with this. They will argue that a sermon must be prepared by way of a preacher in quiet prayer, continual commentary study and living the sermon first, themself. I do not disagree with any of that, but I have come to see something deeper in the sermon prep that required me to lift my nose out of the books and look around and listen to the others in the room with me.
All of this made me think of the many books by Henri Nouwen that I have read. Henri of course wrote much and believed much about the concept of community. In his book, Creative Ministries Beyond Professionalism In Teaching, Preaching, Counseling, Organizing And Celebrating, he states, while exploring "the relationship between professionalism and spirituality in pastoral ministry. Unlike other professions, ministry is not an eight-to-five job, but primarily a way of life for others to see and understand so that liberation can become a possibility" (Doubleday, 1971, Pp. xxiv + 123). What this all made me think about is that preaching is not a job for me, but a way of life that flows out of my faith in Jesus and my relationship with His other kids. My sermon preparation needs to then be an an act of community as well.
When this summer ends I shall miss my preaching buddies, but I am encouraged to know that community and the Good News of Jesus is still at the heart of what what we preach and how to!