April Showers

By April 8th we had told our family and friends about baby Schmidt, some were scared for us, others talked of miracles and joy and others were simply not sure what to say, especially when they heard our horror story of her beginning...
By now I had also begun to lose a great deal of weight and had put myself on a naturopathic diabetic diet. I was in full swing in the doctor rotation of the Bruce County medical care which other then Dr. Debbie Dyke who is a great doctor, I was not impressed with...
I was in conflict with the diabetic specialist who seemed to only be able to repeat information from the Canadian Diabetic Association which I reject. She even once said in a phone call to me that, "I was endangering my baby with my beliefs". She also told me "she did not believe any studies existed on the use of glyberide/metformin over insulin"-thus began two months of fighting (I am pretty sure I won) since I did not get gestational diabetes during this pregnancy nor preclampsi, both of which she insisted I would get...
The April rain showers came in the from of medical staff that insisted on putting me a "box". What I have come to realize is that they are incapable of thinking out of the boxes they working in--one visit at the endocrinologists ended with him saying to me, that he had returned from a conference where most of the topics had to do with use of metformin over insulin , "but that he liked insulin as it was old fashion and they were comfortable with it" Okay answer for him, but dead wrong and no where good enough an answer for me and this is btw my baby and my life and I happen to be down 40 pounds, so no I will not go on insulin nor even remotely follow your high carb diet, if I ain't spilling ketones then I don't need to eat 45 grams of carbs -way to high!
April also brought Easter and a full work schedule along with telling the church btw I am pregnant after 16 years of marriage and never being able to conceive, surprise! Fortuetly, they rejoiced for us!

March Lent Madness

As Baptists we do not traditionally celebrate Lent, but this past year the "giving up" of something took on a whole new meaning for me. I felt like I was sacrificing my whole life for this child I still did not want, nor love. Lent came along with it my responsibilities to do extra services in the community and I was so sick with all day "morning sickness" and exhaustion I am still not sure how I got through the days. Did I also mention that Wiarton was facing it's worse winter since 1999? Lent for me this year taught me about real sacrifice. I was now having to sacrifice so very much to keep this little child alive and well. You see I am almost 40, diabetic and hypertensive and with all the doom and gloom news about this baby actually making it and what I was going to have to do to keep her I nearly lost my mind, except for what Lent meant to me and the sacrifices Jesus made on my behalf and on behalf of the world.
Lent has to do with the forty days Jesus spent in the wilderness preparing for His ministry by facing the temptations that could lead him to abandon his mission and calling. Christians today use this period of time for introspection, self examination, and repentance. that was what I was needing to do and in due time I did. what God spoke to me about was what was coming, my health care, the baby's health care, working steady and strong at my job, trusting God to give Paul a job (he was unemployed for the first nine months we were here), trusting God through the winter and learning to really lean on God for all the scary thoughts going through my mind--what I had to give up was the usual: trust in my ways and lean not on my own understanding, but acknowledge God's ways and trust in Him. what I was learning is that something bigger then me was coming-it was on the horizon in the form of a baby and I was going to need every ounce of trust and faith in God that I had to get through and that meant giving myself and my ways up...

February Blues

4 months into a new life and new job we found out we were pregnant. That experience alone was enough to try a marriage of 16 years, but alas here we are at 38 weeks and i am finally getting a chance to ponder and look back at where we have come from.
Theologically speaking, this has been the greatest season of trust I have ever experienced, beginning with waking up covered in blood, rushing to one hospital only to discover no one was available to do an ultra sound and then being sent (driving in our own car) to another hospital to wait for hours and then have a doctor pretty much dismiss us by saying the"baby was probably dead, low heart rate, not normal size", etc.. and sent us on our way. TRUST, for what I was not sure... TRUST, in who, that was easy, God, revealed in Jesus was the only person that would get me through the next few days until we had another ultra sound that proved just how wrong that doctor had been.
Over the next month, February blues took on a whole new meaning as we went through an emotional roller coaster that no one should have gone through. We were told twice the baby was dead and each time I was relieved believing this was all a mistake and God was taking care of something that was not right, only to be told days later she (after more ultra sounds) was well--I cried then. I did not want this situation or this child. I did not want to be on this roller-coaster. I wanted to work at my new job and work hard. I wanted the life we were starting in Wiarton and a baby was not part of that plan-If i was going to have a baby I wanted it 15 years ago, back in Toronto with my family and friends around. February blues finally meant something... and God was asking way too much from me... What little did I know, He was going to ask more of me and it all had to do with trust!