When Friendships Hurt

Sometimes we hurt each other. It's horrible when we do. Sometimes friendships end and that can be very sad or maybe very good. Friendships can be very safe places, but sometimes we fail to love the way we should.
This week I failed a friend, someone I care very much for. I also spent a few days wondering what happened to our friendship, where the car veered off the road so to speak. I tried emails and then a general chat to see what went wrong. They had decided to ignore me, they were hurt and now I was too. Today, I saw my friend many times and my heart was aching as to why we weren't communicating in a loving Christian way. Finally, after a miserable day I went to my friend and said, "Please talk to me, sort this out with me, what's happened? I feel horrible and I am worried". My friend felt horrible too and we talked about the way we both hurt. After much tender discussion we are okay-not great, but we both have promised not to give up on our friendship. For my friends grace and forgiveness I am very thankful.
In thinking about this difficult time with my friend, my mind has kept wandering back to Judas and Jesus. Judas Iscariot of course is one of the original 12 disciples of Jesus, who we are told in the Gospel of John, carried the disciples' money bag. He was their treasurer. He was trusted, he was part of an unique inner circle. He had his feet washed by Jesus, saw the miracles of Jesus and probably believed Jesus was Israel's Messiah. He played with Jesus, worshiped with Jesus, ate with Jesus, etc.. Judas was one, with the most popular man of his time. However, something happened in their friendship that led Judas down a road where he ended up making choices that betrayed his friend.
I often wonder what would have happened had Judas not killed himself? What would reconciliation have looked liked in their friendship? What kind and how deep could the forgiveness and grace been? Judas it seemed lost a very important opportunity to be reconciled to Jesus and the others,the way Saint Peter had.
When we hurt each other, say unkind words, be impatient or curt, betray or even disrespect one another we are in turn doing these things to Jesus and to the whole body of Christ. Scripture tells us that "when one suffers we all suffer and when one rejoices we all rejoice (1Cor.12). Judas betrayed Jesus deeply and in turn hurt the other disciples.
When my friend and I were having trouble this week I knew it had to be sorted out and I am glad I went to them and that we talked. I am hoping for further reconciliation, but I will not push this matter. We both need some time to think on how we could have better treated one another. Though, I am thankful through God's grace, that we have begun to listen and share where the friendship had veered of the road. Too bad Judas could not have done that, can you imagine what kind of apostle he would have been? And that is the lesson in all of this, that when we hurt each other we must acknowledge our mistake, ask for forgiveness and offer grace. We need to listen more to one another and bear each others burdens. And when someone has hurt us, we too must offer forgiveness for when we do we are restored to one another. When we don't do this we lose sight and reject what Jesus has done for us.
Through Jesus' life and sacrifice we are all made friends of God and it is this paradigm where Christian friendships find their life.
I am deeply sorry I hurt my friend. I will seek to serve them better in the future, in the name of Jesus.
In Christian Friendship,
Pamela

Preaching Prep

One of the things that I have really enjoyed this summer is mine and Adele's weekly trip to the library to work on our sermons. I am not sure Adele is always happy with me as we prepare sermons very differently. I like to discuss what I have read or stumbled on. She is more contemplative. I like to think out loud and share with those around me. She often likes to climb into her pile of books and emerge hours later, having literally ignored the world around. I read quickly, she is more methodical. We have very different styles of preaching preparation. And I am sure there have been more than one day where she has had the thought, why did I bring Pamela?
One of the things I have discovered in this process of weekly sermon preparation is that I firmly believe sermons must be created in community. Yes, I agree that preachers must do a healthy exegesis of their congregation first, but what about actually writing the sermon with them? Some of the best times this summer have been talking with other preachers who sit by the hour at the library tables and share with me what they are preaching on and why and to whom. We have shared insights, asked hard questions of each other and occasionally prayed for one another. When we struggled with a particular text we would share that struggle. This summer, one man, every Friday asked me what I thought of his introductions to his sermons, that he would read to me. Another shared his fear of being a preacher, a fear we all shared. It has been an interesting journey with these fellow sermon writers and I have really enjoyed learning and working with them so much so that I have come to the conviction that sermons should always be written with a group of people. I know that there will be people that disagree with this. They will argue that a sermon must be prepared by way of a preacher in quiet prayer, continual commentary study and living the sermon first, themself. I do not disagree with any of that, but I have come to see something deeper in the sermon prep that required me to lift my nose out of the books and look around and listen to the others in the room with me.
All of this made me think of the many books by Henri Nouwen that I have read. Henri of course wrote much and believed much about the concept of community. In his book, Creative Ministries Beyond Professionalism In Teaching, Preaching, Counseling, Organizing And Celebrating, he states, while exploring "the relationship between professionalism and spirituality in pastoral ministry. Unlike other professions, ministry is not an eight-to-five job, but primarily a way of life for others to see and understand so that liberation can become a possibility" (Doubleday, 1971, Pp. xxiv + 123). What this all made me think about is that preaching is not a job for me, but a way of life that flows out of my faith in Jesus and my relationship with His other kids. My sermon preparation needs to then be an an act of community as well.
When this summer ends I shall miss my preaching buddies, but I am encouraged to know that community and the Good News of Jesus is still at the heart of what what we preach and how to!

Friendship Observed

I am very blessed to have great friends. I have friends that I have known all my life like Kathleen and new friends like Ben. I have friends that make me laugh hysterically and some that I can openly grieve with, without fear of rejection. I also have friends, two that I know 100% would die for me. I am very, very blessed.
If you know me at all, you know I have an enduring love for people. I am often described as engaging and friendly. I am known as being very relational, but this also comes with some risks. Not every one is willing to be vulnerable and honest the way unconditional friendships require. Some people take a great deal of time to trust others and they build walls around themselves so love cannot penetrate their walls. Some people sadly never learn how profound true friendship can be. This is sad to someone like me who easily loves and is willing to work through problems to have great friendships.
Some of my best friends are also the people who will be be most honest with me. They love me enough to tell me the truth when I make mistakes. They love me enough to say, "Pamela, you have done wrong" and love me enough to stay friends with me when I do make mistakes.
My Spiritual Sister Adele can be very angry at me in one moment and then offer me a cup of tea in the next(this is strange for some). We do not hold grudges and most days we are 100% honest and authentic in our friendship. I count on her truthfulness and love everyday and she counts on mine. I simply love her. That love is based on a mutual understanding that God has given to each of us a person who will every day die for the other. It is a friendship that is Christ centered and Christ nurtured. Therefore, it is a friendship where much time is spent working on always seeking her best, always trying to find ways to serve her in the healthiest ways. I have a very similar friendship with another who I know unconditionally loves me, for this other person I give great thanks and thanks for the way he always seeks the best for me.
My great experiences with intimate friendships makes me often ponder the types of friendships that Jesus had. Of course there was his relationship with the disciples and Nicodemus, but many times I wonder about him and Lazarus.
We all know the story of how Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, but I think there was so much more to that relationship. The very fact that Jesus went back to the town where the authorities said they would stone him, to save his friend is remarkable. The Bible also tells us of two people Jesus loved. 1, was the Beloved Disciple and the other Lazarus. (Gospel of John) Jesus indeed loved Lazarus and I would like to think they were very good friends. Jesus also stays at Lazarus house on the Saturday before he is crucified (Gospel of John 12). And after the crucifixion the disciples hid in Bethany.
Bethany and Lazarus' house were often the places Jesus and the disciples visited, this does not surprise me as I too often visit the towns where my good friend are and often go to their homes when I am in need of comfort. I am glad Jesus had such good friends and more so that Jesus loves all of us and has called all of us,his followers, friends. He said, "No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you Friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. "This I command you, that you love one another". (Gospel of John) I am very thankful that my friends have taken this new commandment to heart-I am very blessed indeed!

Friendship Defined

Have you ever washed someones feet? I have washed many feet for many different reasons and frankly it was always a wonderful and sacred moment. Think of washing a newborns little toes or a toddler who has just learned about mud. Think of professionals who do pedicures and those that care for diabetic feet. Washing a foot or any part of another can be something to cherish.
Jesus washed the disciples feet, even the feet of the one he knew would betray him-now that is friendship! How hard it is sometimes to wash and care for those that are hurting us, but that is how Jesus defined friendship, no matter how much the disciples goofed up, or abandoned him or betrayed him he still reached out in love and washed them. He also said, " Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends". Wow, die for my friend? That must be some kind of friendship. I am very blessed to have such friends, very blessed!
Though, I often wonder am I that kind of friend, too? The answer I am sure is no. In fact I am certain that I have failed more often as a friend then I would really like to count, but this week, with a friend laying on my bed in tears about a difficulty in her life, she turned to me and said, "Pamela you have had to sacrifice so much for me this past little while and I will never forget what you have done". I was shocked because I don't feel like Paul and I have sacrificed much or at all. We simply love Sara and she needs some care which we can offer, but when explaining to someone why Sara now lives with us, this other person commented with, "that is a great sacrifice".
I suspect that some of my misunderstandings about sacrificial friendships are because I am still uncomfortable with receiving grace and asking for help and allowing people to sacrifice for me. I am much better at offering grace and willing to sacrifice for others. I also think I believe(wrongly)that sacrifice has to hurt somehow.
In the past two years I have experienced a great number of times where I have needed help from others. Spiritual, physical, economical and emotional help has all been offered and thankfully accepted. It has been very hard, but I am learning when I deny people their chance to care for me I deny true friendship. I deny them the chance to use their gifts.
This very week I had lunch with a beloved friend, who told me a complicated story(eluded to in my two past posts)of how he stuck up for me and ultimately lost a job because he cares for my reputation and our friendship. Of course I feel some guilt over this, but I am also learning to receive love and accept the sacrifice of others for me. I cannot serve people authentically if I cannot receive openly God's grace, through them.

Friendships, true intimate and loving friendships lead to the washing of each others bodies both physically and spiritually. Friendships like the ones Jesus has called us to, means we are willing to lay down our lives for one another and accepting the beautiful gift of others laying their lives done for us, just like Jesus did on the cross.
I am still learning and thankful this week for a beloved friend, and through his sacrifice I am being reminded that I am valued and loved enough to die for!
Sacrificially,
Pamela

Our Barty has Passed Away

Paul and I said goodbye to our dear Barty, who was 16 years old. He is greatly missed.

Greetings Friend

For nearly the last two weeks I have been blessed with having Adele's car while she is away on holidays. What ease there has been in grocery shopping, running errands and picking Sara up at the end of the day or driving her to the Subway to begin the day. Paul has loved having the car to drive to work, at night. We are very thankful for the gift of Adele's car which is a token of her friendship.
Her trust in us to care for her car has made me think a great deal about friendship and to what cost some friendships have, if any, for us. Should there be a cost to friendship? If you have been following my blog you will note the comment I made in my last entry about another friendship that I am thinking of ending because I feel the cost may be to high for my friend. This of course is a decision he needs to make and a situation where I may need to grow more comfortable with another's choice to sacrifice for me and offer me grace (things that don't come easily for me).
For now, I want to spend some time thinking through and seeing what Holy Scripture has to say about friendships, particularly the notion of "Greeting each other with a Holy Kiss".
One of the things I have enjoyed greatly this past week while waiting for Sara at the subway,(she is often late lol...)is the people waving and kissing goodbye, the people hugging and kissing hello. I am a hugging, kissing type and there is nothing better than smooching with my hubby before we say goodbye and especially, hello. However, there were many, if not more, people at the subway drop-off with growls on their faces and often a terrible look of displeasure when picking someone up. It struck me that many people appeared to be disgruntled or unhappy at the arrival of the person they were waiting for. For these people few words were spoken, or someone was on a cellphone and barely acknowledged the person getting in the car. Others slammed doors while some simply looked exasperated. There was no kissing or hugging going on in these greetings. Some situations made me feel very sorry for the folks arriving, as some pick up drivers were menacing. I found it all rather upsetting. I am of course an outsider, and we all have bad days and I did not have all the facts about the relationships, so perhaps I have judge to harshly some of the greetings that I saw, but body language and verbal cues tell us a great deal...
I was indeed much happier to hear the squeals of joy when a parent,child,friend or girlfriend/boyfriend arrived. There were many couples who smooched and hugged, some danced and did little jigs of joy. Others ran and jumped into long outstretched arms, while others whistled a familiar flirty tune at each other. There was lots of hugging, grinning, laughter and kissing going on. This made me smile and I can honestly say that for Sara and I, for all the time I waited for Sara or dropped her off, we parted and greeted with sisterly love.
I can't imagine greeting my loved ones with anything but a smile or hug and or kiss. If you know me well, you know I hate parting and I am often the one to initiate a hug and kiss. Those of us that are part of the Christian family know the value of vulnerable, honest, holy and loving touch. We know it is safe and good to embrace, hold hands and kiss without there being an erotic or romantic level to it. We know that with Jesus we have been given the joy of washing each others feet and Peter and Paul both encourage us to "greet one another with a Holy kiss".
It is this Holy kiss that I have been wondering about. What is it? Why do it?
When do we do it and for whom is it directed?
As I look at scripture I see that the holy kiss instructions are personal greetings. We find them in Romans 16:16; 1 Corinthians 16:20; 2 Corinthians 13:12; 1 Thessalonians 5:26; and 1 Peter 5:14. I have discovered that they are not only a instruction in the context of personal greetings, they are personal greetings. The greetings at the end of epistles are personal greetings from the writer to those they love and are thinking and praying for. They are personal and do not appear to be intended as general instructions for the whole church. Peter and Paul it seems are merely telling those who received their letters to pass on their greetings to others. The English word “greet” in the King James Version is translated from the same Greek word, aspazomai. This word can also be translated “embrace” (see Acts 20:1). It is a term of greeting and affection. So, the instructions concerning the holy kiss are entirely appropriate in this context.
In many Middle Eastern cultures, people greet each other with a hug and a kiss. For Saint Paul it is deeper it is understood to be a Christian greeting, so Paul calls it a "holy kiss". In today's world a good example would be signing a card that says, “Give Molly hugs and kisses from me” Paul is saying, give everyone a warm greeting and holy kiss from me.
So what are we to do today when we physically greet and part? As far as I can figure out there is no Biblical instructions on greetings and partings. Perhaps, it is up to our cultures to teach us? If greeting with a kiss is common in your culture and would be excepted by a recipient, then, by all means,embrace. As for me and my household we shall hug, kiss, handshake and wash your feet, if you so desire and I usually desire it!!!
With sisterly, Christian love,
Pamela

Mercy Me

I want to close our series on mercy with thanksgiving. First and foremost to God who continually shows me mercy and who has shown me lately some areas in my life where I have not given Him my complete heart. I am thankful for the ways in which God entrusts His other kids to me even though I mess up all the time. i am thankful for the Gospel stories that tell me and teach me about Jesus and His way of mercy. Jesus taught on mercy (Matt. 5:7; 9:13; 23:23). He is described as having compassion (Matt. 9:36; 15:32; 23:37; Luke 7:13) and was so filled with mercy that He wept (John 11:35). And who can forget the Good Samaritan? It is one of the most classic stories ever told on the subject of mercy (Luke 10:30-37).
I am thankful for the folks at Gathering Spot who continually teach me how to love even in difficult situations. They show mercy to strangers and marginalized folks in a way that is completely supernatural.

I am very much aware that the dark season I had lived in, (see Psalm 88)all of last year, is now behind me and so to the restful time, in coming out of the dark season is finished. I am now in a terrific season of trust and because of this the devils attacks have been immense. Just recently, I received an email from a dear friend, whom I trust and love. The email was to indicate that a project he and I were to work on had fallen through. I immediately knew the reason had to do with another person, who in the past has had difficulty with me (perhaps with reason) and now my friend who sent the email was no longer involved in a project he was interested in. I have experienced guilt over this and for a few days have seriously considered giving up my dear friendship so I do not cause him more hardship. More importantly though is the realization that I really have not forgiven this other person, as much as I had thought I had. In the past time with this person was very difficult for me and I even hated him for a long time. I do not hate him now and actually I know I have forgiven him because when I see him my stomach is no longer in knots and I genuinely want the best for him. But there was a moment last week when my thoughts were not good towards him and God spoke to me saying, Pamela I have shown you mercy-I have granted you mercy, I have forgiven your sins, what do you need to do now? Of course God is right, I now need to offer him mercy and to try and see things from his perspective.
Keeping our definition in mind (mercy is not receiving from God, what I deserve, punishment) God was once again probing me to be more like Him. He did not chastise me for my thoughts, but He made me aware of how easy it is to forget and to be merciless. This is a lesson I do not wish to forget.
As we continue in life may we give great thanks to God for His mercy and may we continue to offer it to all those we encounter, even in our darkest most difficult days and especially when our past comes back to haunt us.
Mercy Me,
Pamela

Have You Ever?

Have you ever had a day when you got up in the morning and thought, that's it I can't do this anymore? Maybe your "this" is your job, marriage, friendships, relationships, addictions, emotional and or spiritual struggles. Maybe you woke up and thought the very idea of existing that day was too much? I have had those days. In fact, I am having one of them today. These kinds of days are troubling and I am thankful that they only happen ever so often.
I have a habit of never discussing these kinds of days with anyone because people tend to give unhelpful advice or worse, offer over-spiritual evangelical cliches. Earlier today, someone on the phone said, "Oh well, one day all your troubles will be forgotten, so don't worry so much". I sighed. 1) I am not worried about anything and 2)that person totally disregarded how I was feeling about something in that moment. I also wasn't looking for advice or validation, but for someone just to listen. Today, has been a lonely day and it has even been difficult to pray.
On days like this I have learned it is best to lock myself away, and rest, cry, eat little and sing. Yep, sing. It is through singing gentle songs and hymns that I get through. Right now, the gospel group MercyMe is singing away the song, "I can Only Imagine" and the gospel group Casting-Crowns is singing, "East to West". It is the second song that causes me to pause because it echos my deep dark feelings today.
Have you ever had a day where all you do is cry, doubt, stumble and fumble and over all think everything is wrong? This is me today and there are a whole host of reasons why. Today is the kind of day when I really identify with Jesus. Jesus too had this kind of day. Jesus even went so far as to cry out to his Heavenly Father saying, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachtani?” (which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”). I feel forsaken today.
Now we all know that Jesus is quoting Psalm 22, when he is crying out on the cross and I have heard many sermons about God, the Father turning His back on Jesus and I have heard so many times pastors say, "God cannot look on our sin and He could not look on Jesus". Wow, Jesus was having a terrible day.
But I have also learned to keep reading the rest of Psalm 22 that states clearly, “he has not hidden his face from him, but has listened to his cry for help", Jesus it turns out is actually heard. Ultimately, we see this is true in the resurrection of Jesus where we find that God did not forsake him and there is a promise that I too and you will not be forsaken. It is on days like this when I cannot go on, that I need to remember that God hears me, has died for me and loves me no matter what.
Have you ever had a day when you wondered just who you were? Well let me tell you from the bottom of my heart-just like me, even on days like this, you are someone deeply loved by God. Casting Crowns says it better then me in their song, "Who am I". They sing, "Who am I that the Lord of all the earth Would care to know my name Would care to feel my hurt Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star Would choose to light the way For my ever wandering heart I am a flower quickly fading Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean Vapor in the wind Still You hear me when I'm calling Lord, You catch me when I'm falling And You've told me who I am I am Yours I am Yours Whom shall I fear Whom shall I fear 'Cause I am Yours I am Yours"
Have you ever had a day when you trusted God with all your troubles, fears and sin? Today could be the start.
Until then, I am staying in my room resting, crying, singing and remembering that the God of Jesus loves me too, no matter what!
With teary, hope-filled love,
Pamela

Merciful, Magnificat Mary

Who showed Mary, the mother of Jesus, mercy? Anyone? Did she need mercy? As Baptists we often see Mary as only a young, virginal girl whom God liked. We don't see her as our Catholic friends do such as, "The Most Blessed Virgin Mary was, from the first moment of her conception, by a singular grace and privilege of almighty God and by virtue of the merits of Jesus Christ, Saviour of the human race, preserved immune from all stain of original sin. Pope Pius IX -- Ineffabilis Deus (1854)". No, we see her as young and in need of as much mercy as the rest of us.
However, if we look closely we also see a women who grows and learns about the son she bore and a life, like us, needing mercy.
We first see mercy offered to Mary when she visits her cousin Elizabeth and that mercy is felt in and through Elizabeth's immediate acceptance and belief of Mary's story of how she conceived her child. The second act of mercy bestowed upon her is when Joseph agrees to marry her, after an encounter with an angel in his dream.
These moments make me ponder, why does she need mercy, after all Mary has done nothing wrong and if we stick to our definition of mercy, from an earlier post (mercy is not receiving from God, what I deserve, punishment) then how is she is offered mercy? What I have come to realize is that when I follow God and participate in His will, it is often a journey that is backwards and upside down thinking compared to the worlds ideas. God seems to call me to do stuff others might not think is right, just like Mary who as a young, unwed girl should not have been pregnant. In her day girls who became pregnant outside of marriage would probably have had to leave their homes and their families. Some have argued that there was the potential of being sold into slavery or of being stoned to death. So indeed Mary was offered mercy (from a human perspective) and this is good news for this mercy protected the lineage of Messiah.
I wonder if any of you have faced an adventure like Mary's, where God has asked you to come out of your cultural restrictions and follow Him in the face of great adversity and if so, who was it that offered you mercy along the way?
This week I have been asking myself to whom did I show mercy, and when did I receive it? When I pause long enough and look into the eyes of the hurt people at Gathering Spot, where I work, do I look with eyes of judgment or with eyes of mercy? Do I see the drug addict who is clearly high on something as a problem or do I see her as a sister? Do I offer mercy? Do I tell them about Mary, the mother of my Lord?
When I read Mary's Magnificat found in Luke's Gospel, I am not fully convinced Mary actually sang this song, but I understand why it was written into her/the story. It is a song that offers an exultation of mercy, celebrating reversals. It is a mercy song we all need to hear, accept and sing along with.
In conclusion, I cannot help but think of Mary on the day they crucified her son, whom I believe she now also knew as her God and Savior. Was mercy shown to her that day? Yes, for "when Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home" (Gospel of John 19). Once again Mary was saved from expulsion, the disgrace of her son being crucified would have made her an outcast in society, just like the time when she conceived him. But more importantly then all of that, the ultimate mercy shown to her was Jesus' willingness to die for her and all of creation. He hung on that cross as an atonement for her and our sins.
If we carry our own crosses this week it maybe because we offered someone mercy, do we ever think of it that way? Does my offering off mercy to someone land me in someone else's bad books? What did Joseph's family think when he agreed to marry Mary? How have I judged this week, with mercy or hate? What I think matters most is that we too in our faith walk with God must come to that place where we can say along with Mary,
My soul doth magnify the Lord.
And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour.
Because he hath regarded the humility of his handmaid;
for behold from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.
Because he that is mighty,
hath done great things to me;
and holy is his name.
And his mercy is from generation unto generations,
to them that fear him.
He hath shewed might in his arm:
he hath scattered the proud in the conceit of their heart.
He hath put down the mighty from their seat,
and hath exalted the humble.
He hath filled the hungry with good things;
and the rich he hath sent empty away.
He hath received Israel his servant,
being mindful of his mercy:
As he spoke to our fathers,
to Abraham and to his seed for ever.

in mercy,
pamela

Mercy Misunderstood

I heard a song on the radio this week that had a great tune, and a memorable chorus. I caught myself singing along until I took a moment to think about what was being said, theologically. Then I realized I didn't agree or better, I interpret mercy and grace very differently. The singer sang away singing, "His grace is always larger then our sin, no matter how much we sin His grace is bigger". Hearing that I was struck with the notion that I do not put sin and grace together, but mercy and sin together.
For the last few days the many definitions of grace, mercy and sin which I have studied or was taught have rattled around in my head and I have decided to lay them out. What I have discovered is that I have misunderstood mercy for along time and it's time to have clear thinking on the matter.
There are many definitions of Grace, Sin and Mercy. I have grown up and accepted the traditional evangelical ones, but they all seem muddled together with no clear understanding of the role each plays in our relationship with Jesus. They are words we throw around without thinking them through. I have come to believe there is a clear distinction between them.
For argument sake (and lack of space) I will say that Sin is the "absence of peace", absence of Shalom. This is new thinking for me as I always thought and was taught that sin was "missing the mark and I had to turn around and repent". I don't fully reject that former teaching, but I am seeing the "absence of peace" as a much healthier way to view sin, but that is a conversation for another day. I want us to focus on mercy, something I think we have misunderstood.
When do we receive mercy? What is it, who offers it and how? Is it different from Grace, if so how and why? Is it always about justice or is it an act of compassion? These are some of the questions I am attempting to answer, but it is the following question I am struggling with the most, Have I ever really encountered, needed, and fully accepted the mercy of God? I have talked, preached, and prayed through all kinds of grace, but it was not until this season of darkness, this living through Psalm 88, did I ever truly meet His mercy. I can say with honesty, I have now felt His mercy. I realize I have for a long time confused mercy with grace.
Presently, I believe mercy is an act of Divine compassion where leniency and clemency are offered and that means I did not receive from God what I deserved, punishment. Grace, on the other hand is receiving from God His presence and love, guiding me through His sanctification process. That is totally different then having your punishment rendered.
I still have many questions and thoughts on how grace and mercy travel together and I am still processing this season of darkness that I am leaving behind and the mercy I am being shown throughout, which means I have just begun to scratch the surface on these ways of being (grace and mercy) and that means we are going to be talking about this for awhile. Until then, here is a great quote on Mercy from William Shakespeare, from his play, "The Merchant of Venice".
The quality of mercy is not strained.
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
Tis mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown.
His scepter shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings.
But mercy is above this sceptered sway;
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings;
It is an attribute of God himself;
And earthly power doth then show like God's
When mercy seasons justice.

With heaps of grace, mercy and peace,
Pamela

Sometimes in the Wind a New Season is Brought

Many of you know I have been traveling through a spiritually dark season, this past year. I have been living in and through Psalm 88 with glimpses of Psalm 20, 46 and 51 throughout. This dark season prevented me from doing any writing and that has been a terrible, terrible loss and deep struggle fοr me.
This entry is my first, now that this season has ended and I invite you as I continue to recuperate from being in the pit, to join me in a new season. It is windy coming out of the pit into the field, but the wind is teaching me things, some I have forgotten and something very new.
I wish I could share with you how the season of darkness ended, but that is between me and God. I do know that I have His permission to share why I entered a season of darkness, but that is a story for another time. Until then, listen to the wind.
With my love,
Pamela
Sometimes In The Wind

Sometimes in the wind I feel and sense things. I hear whispers. When I was a child I could see the wind in the trees, but now my eyes have grown cynical. But sometimes, I still hear and feel things.
The wind is my friend even when it is ferocious and freezing. The wind calls my name and I know God is speaking.
The wind is His tool, a machine of sorts, that purifies, scatters, directs and serves the creatures of the air and forces of earth. The wind destroys as well. Do you recall when the wind traveled with Moses? “Moses stretched forth his rod over the land of Egypt, and The Lord brought an east wind upon the land all that day and all that night; and when it was morning the east wind had brought the locusts." (Exodus 10:13)
Today in the wind I heard voices, someone calling my name. I whispered a prayer of protection as I knew intimately they, the voices were in danger. Their call was heard through the rustling and chatter of twigs and leaves. I felt alarmed at first as if I was being warned of great danger to come, but I knew it was a message for me to pray through and I did.
The wind speaks if one chooses to listen and to hear its wisdom.
The wind does as the Creator says. Do you remember the ancient stories of how the wind blew forth “over the earth and the waters subsided?” For this Noah gave great thanks. And the wind brings forth the things of nature, "The wind blows to the south, and goes round to the north; round and round goes the wind, and on its circuits the wind returns." (Ecclesiastes 1:6 "The north wind brings forth rain" (Proverbs 25:23).
The wind today, and all days reminds me of my faith. The wind is made and controlled by God and although it is something never to be worshiped it is something we can harness, or can we? Recall the story from the Gospel of Mark chapter 4, "And a great storm of wind arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they woke him and said to him, "Teacher, do you not care if we perish?" And he awoke and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, "Peace! Be still!" And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm."
The wind has been created for our good, even when a tempest is threatening to kills us, but we know who controls the wind so we know we can trust. And as W.O. Mitchell once said, “when the tress bow down their heads the wind is passing by”. But I have come to learn and to trust that when the tress are bowing in the wind it is because the Great God of our Saviour Jesus, is moving by.
May the wind of this new season be at my back...