Sometimes we hurt each other. It's horrible when we do. Sometimes friendships end and that can be very sad or maybe very good. Friendships can be very safe places, but sometimes we fail to love the way we should.
This week I failed a friend, someone I care very much for. I also spent a few days wondering what happened to our friendship, where the car veered off the road so to speak. I tried emails and then a general chat to see what went wrong. They had decided to ignore me, they were hurt and now I was too. Today, I saw my friend many times and my heart was aching as to why we weren't communicating in a loving Christian way. Finally, after a miserable day I went to my friend and said, "Please talk to me, sort this out with me, what's happened? I feel horrible and I am worried". My friend felt horrible too and we talked about the way we both hurt. After much tender discussion we are okay-not great, but we both have promised not to give up on our friendship. For my friends grace and forgiveness I am very thankful.
In thinking about this difficult time with my friend, my mind has kept wandering back to Judas and Jesus. Judas Iscariot of course is one of the original 12 disciples of Jesus, who we are told in the Gospel of John, carried the disciples' money bag. He was their treasurer. He was trusted, he was part of an unique inner circle. He had his feet washed by Jesus, saw the miracles of Jesus and probably believed Jesus was Israel's Messiah. He played with Jesus, worshiped with Jesus, ate with Jesus, etc.. Judas was one, with the most popular man of his time. However, something happened in their friendship that led Judas down a road where he ended up making choices that betrayed his friend.
I often wonder what would have happened had Judas not killed himself? What would reconciliation have looked liked in their friendship? What kind and how deep could the forgiveness and grace been? Judas it seemed lost a very important opportunity to be reconciled to Jesus and the others,the way Saint Peter had.
When we hurt each other, say unkind words, be impatient or curt, betray or even disrespect one another we are in turn doing these things to Jesus and to the whole body of Christ. Scripture tells us that "when one suffers we all suffer and when one rejoices we all rejoice (1Cor.12). Judas betrayed Jesus deeply and in turn hurt the other disciples.
When my friend and I were having trouble this week I knew it had to be sorted out and I am glad I went to them and that we talked. I am hoping for further reconciliation, but I will not push this matter. We both need some time to think on how we could have better treated one another. Though, I am thankful through God's grace, that we have begun to listen and share where the friendship had veered of the road. Too bad Judas could not have done that, can you imagine what kind of apostle he would have been? And that is the lesson in all of this, that when we hurt each other we must acknowledge our mistake, ask for forgiveness and offer grace. We need to listen more to one another and bear each others burdens. And when someone has hurt us, we too must offer forgiveness for when we do we are restored to one another. When we don't do this we lose sight and reject what Jesus has done for us.
Through Jesus' life and sacrifice we are all made friends of God and it is this paradigm where Christian friendships find their life.
I am deeply sorry I hurt my friend. I will seek to serve them better in the future, in the name of Jesus.
In Christian Friendship,
Pamela
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