4 months into a new life and new job we found out we were pregnant. That experience alone was enough to try a marriage of 16 years, but alas here we are at 38 weeks and i am finally getting a chance to ponder and look back at where we have come from.
Theologically speaking, this has been the greatest season of trust I have ever experienced, beginning with waking up covered in blood, rushing to one hospital only to discover no one was available to do an ultra sound and then being sent (driving in our own car) to another hospital to wait for hours and then have a doctor pretty much dismiss us by saying the"baby was probably dead, low heart rate, not normal size", etc.. and sent us on our way. TRUST, for what I was not sure... TRUST, in who, that was easy, God, revealed in Jesus was the only person that would get me through the next few days until we had another ultra sound that proved just how wrong that doctor had been.
Over the next month, February blues took on a whole new meaning as we went through an emotional roller coaster that no one should have gone through. We were told twice the baby was dead and each time I was relieved believing this was all a mistake and God was taking care of something that was not right, only to be told days later she (after more ultra sounds) was well--I cried then. I did not want this situation or this child. I did not want to be on this roller-coaster. I wanted to work at my new job and work hard. I wanted the life we were starting in Wiarton and a baby was not part of that plan-If i was going to have a baby I wanted it 15 years ago, back in Toronto with my family and friends around. February blues finally meant something... and God was asking way too much from me... What little did I know, He was going to ask more of me and it all had to do with trust!
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