I love people. I love their stories, their goofiness, their sorrows and their joys. I think people are the greatest things. Everyday I give thanks to God for having made humanity and for the relationship He constantly calls us into, with Him.
I am very thankful for the way He "gives" or "sends" me people, to laugh with, care for, cry with, mentor and "be" with. This is a privileged, responsibility that I take very seriously.
But sometimes I really fail when it comes to letting people love ME. Do I feel that I am not worthy of their love? Have I been too disappointed by people to trust them? Am I so filled with grief that I simply don't want the heart ache of saying goodbye when our season is over together? Am I scared of just how big this role of being a pastor is?
I am sure all of the questions above have a partly, yes, answer to them. But I think the real problem is a control issue. You see when I am doing and being the stuff I do, and be with people, I am the one in control. I set the boundaries.
Lately though, I have been in situations where I have been way out of control, way out of my comfort zone. When I allow myself a relaxing moment (which can take a while) I discover that I am usually being greatly loved.
This past week at the very special request from a very special professor, I attended a lunch. I brought my own Pastor with me too, for he knew some old friends that were going to be there as well. Long story short, we had a very good time. But something happened half way through-I discerned that I was being really loved, cared for and dare say respected. I saw my professor beaming at me and became aware of how many people he was introducing me to. He simply, in a beautiful Christian way, loved me. He was sharing his mentors and friends and colleagues with me. What a blessed new pastor, I am!
On the drive home, my pastor asked me, "what did you see, today". I gave him a truthful answer, but left all of the above part out. To be honest, in the back of my head, all day, I kept asking why. Why does this really great professor and expert in his field want me here? There must be some cosmic error happening, why me? That's when I realized I was committing idolatry. I had taken my eyes off of the Kingdom of God and placed them on me. This is a dangerous and foolish thing to do.
Then is dawned on me, I never ask why God gives me people to love and play with. I simply say thank you for the great privilege and this is what I needed to do this week. I needed to let others fulfil their calling in being with me and to receive their love. That is what true worship is, God's children; playing, working, serving, resting and seeking him all together. I was so blessed on that special day and very thankful. I was indeed loved, in more ways than one. So, I just fess up, right now, and admit how good it is to be loved and at times it is even better than doing the loving!!
Thanks to Richard, Fred and John for a great day in the Kingdom-You are all wonderful Pastors!
No comments:
Post a Comment