I got made 36 years ago!

I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way. What you have done is wonderful. I know this very well.

Psalms 139:13-14

The writer of this Psalm knows something I have forgotten, lately, they know who made them and why.

This past year has been very difficult as I have finished up seminary, went through four deaths in our family, said goodbye to friends who graduated and went back to Western Canada and other parts of the world, ended a fantastic internship, ended a very important six year relationship with a dear friend (it needed to end, but was still sad) and saw the loss of a mentor. Of course, there are also the calamities of the past few weeks, Paul's broken arm, my allergic reaction to sage and now the flood of 2007, water heater burst-what else can go wrong?

So here I am, on my 36th birthday and it has suddenly dawned on me I have had a great deal of grief this past year and quite frankly I am tired of it. Perhaps, I am more tired of the way I have been handling it.

Yesterday, on the phone a dear older lady friend said to me, "Pamela, lately you have been talking about the past a great deal, but I think God made you for the future". There was a pause in the conversation and then I asked her, what she meant. "I see you as someone whom God has made for the sole purpose of cultivating beautiful loving relationships and He is putting in front of you many new people for you to love-don't let this past year sour the great potential and gift you have for loving people". I was struck dumb. This dear lady spoke truth, she was telling me or reminding me why God had made me and I suddenly realized that it was not so much that I had forgotten, but that I am scared. I am scared of saying goodbye to more people. I flipped through my last months journal entires and every one of them contains something about a prayer for release from fear.

I do think it is very healthy to acknowledge how you are feeling, but then we need to heal and move on. So today, I start healing and start remembering that God has plans for me, plans to heal me and prosper me (spiritually speaking) and He also trusts me with his other kids. I do love people and in loving them we need to take risks, including the risk that they are only in our lives for just a season and we need to let them go when the time comes and we need to say goodbye-not eternally, but just for a time.

So today, I remember what the Psalmist wrote and sang and I look forward to more loving friendships.

This has been a good birthday!

I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way. What you have done is wonderful. I know this very well.

Psalms 139:13-14