Frustrated

Tonight, after volunteering at the church and walking home in the freezing wind, I did a lot of thinking-this past week has been dreadful and I am sure I am to blame for most of it. It seems that I was fighting or picking fights with everyone. My poor husband got the brunt of most of it and finally today, he told me, "I haven't been very nice, lately". So what's going on with me that I can't seem to get along with anyone including Marc and Adele?
Well, for starters, and this is no excuse, just an explanation I am very frustrated, filled with some doubts and annoyed with God. The frustration is because I feel stuck and once again I am having to wait-we all know I am not very patient-If there was one spiritual gift that I wish I had been born with, that would be the one, patience. I really struggle with having to wait for other people to make up there minds and I need a lot of prayer about this.
The doubts in my mind are non-stop right now. I am doubting just about everything. I doubt I am loved, cared for, included, thought of etc.. I doubt I have any gifts, doubt god will provide work for me etc.. Strange these doubts, I even had a thought that God didn't exist. I rarely feel this way and I think I am experiencing post Christmas blues even though I was already "blue" during the holidays.
The reason I am annoyed with God is because of Adele going to Africa and me stuck here having to wait-it seems the longer I wait for a church the less I feel that I am capable, but then there was tonight at foot washing- I can't believe how much I enjoy washing some very stinky feet- These precious lives are dear to me and even more dear to God. I prayed for them all tonight, as I rubbed their toes. I also had an idea about an art program which seems like it is a go. I also spent the night explaining to a volunteer some very basic Christian things and as I walked home reflecting on the night I realized I did not have a single thought of doubt or annoyance and nor was I frustrated, I simply was surrounded by love, acted lovingly and was very aware of God's presence. As I walked I thought about this verse from Lamentations, It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD. Lamentations 3:26
Well, this week I feel like I have waited for 100 years-it has been hard- I also know I am tired and there is a lot of change happening in my life. These are things I don't always handle well. But it is good to wait on the Lord-I have learned that when He seems silent I need to wait,for he will speak again-when it seems like he is not moving I must sit and wait too. He is my salvation, my rock and my refuge. He is a very present help in trouble- This week I got into trouble with everyone and I must apologize and make amends. I must trust and know that he is God.
I am so thankful that even when I am having these temper tantrums, God still let's me play and serve in his Kingdom-He is patient-he never doubts me and I am always loved by him, no matter what I do. Praise be to God!

I