Conversations with Teens

Introduction

On Friday November 9, 2007 two classmates and I headed to downtown Toronto, to the Eaton Centre food court, to begin our “Talking to Teens” assignment. The evening was filled with a few surprises and an unexpected bonding of sorts, between three women whom immensely love Jesus and love talking about their relationship with Him, to others, especially teens. One thing that did surprise me was the number of tables of teens that turned me down. When I was a teen I loved filling out surveys and showing off to adults about how much I knew, but the first few teens I approached all said “no way lady”. I felt “old”. Some of them looked at me like I was from Mars, and at first I thought maybe I was, but eventually I found some agreeable groups to speak with and quite enjoyed my evening. An unexpected surprise was watching and hearing back from my fellow classmates. These two, much older women classmates were so happy, alive and bursting with excitement. I was very honored they asked if they could do the assignment with me and I am glad to report deeper friendships were forged.

The following short paper is a reflection on that evening using the guideline questions provided in class.

How I felt about talking to teens

I quite enjoyed the evening I spent and often felt a little sad when the conversations were over. For a few moments I felt like I suddenly wanted to be “back” in full-time youth ministry because I see such great potential in what these precious young lives could be like, if they knew Jesus deeply. However, I know that I am called for congregational ministry as a whole (which right now includes doing one on one mentoring with 13 year old girls).

I am really thankful that I have not only great seminary training, but also an undergrad in New Testament. This rich and broad education came in handy when one young man began to question me about Richard Dawkins and his views. I wasn't scared and didn't feel pressured by his obvious science knowledge because fortunately, I had not only read Dawkins' book, but also Alistair McGrath's book opposing Dawkins views and attended a McGrath lecture on the topic of “delusion” a year ago. The young man was impressed that I knew Dawkins and his views (this caused him to relax and ask further questions). This encounter reinforces or answers the question in the assignment, “from my discussions with the students, it appears that if I want to minister to them, I had better.....” Being up to date on what teens are reading, studying, playing with and are interested in is crucial for “entering” into their lives.

One thing I became “aware” of was how much I prayed during the conversations. I constantly repeated the phrase 'your words Father, not mine' and 'don't let me get in the way of what you can do here Father'. When I reflect on this I feel good that I know I was centered on God and His purpose, for these kids. At one point, I completely forgot I was doing an “assignment”!

Was I surprised by the conversations?

Yes, many of the teens I spoke to were Christians. I was secretly hoping to encounter non- Christians and in fact I was a little disappointed when I realized most of my teens went to church. Though, this disappointment challenge me to see if there was a little bit of pride floating in me that I somehow was going to be a great evangelist for a couple of hours-this reflection has been a good reality check!

I was surprised by the clothing worn by some of the “Christian” teens. In one case (a girl) a lack of clothing was also a concern for me, but there wasn't a place in the conversation to discuss fashion with them. Also, since I had no relationship with these strangers I may potentially have come across as judgmental, so I kept quiet.

I was surprised by a lack of passion that the Christian teens demonstrated as opposed to the bursting for life passion the non-Christians had. There was a mundane attitude that slightly alarmed me with the “church” kids, that the secular kids did not possess. The non-Christian teens had more spunk, vitality and were excited about life. An example of this (although may see it as negative) was the way the non-Christian teens challenged me. One boy made the comment “Christianity is one of the finest marketing ploys created by men”. I broke out laughing when he said this and encouraged him that 'I agreed, that I too had been exposed to some “marketing” tools that I found offensive and didn't talk about the real Gospel of love through Jesus. He thanked me for my honesty. This encounter raises the question for me, are we boring our church teens to death? Are our teens able to see thorough marketing tools of either the world or unauthentic churches? Are our teens critically thinking? Furthermore, I asked myself am I bored with Jesus? Should we not be filled with the same vitality for life as non-Christians?

What did my conversations indicate about the teens?

As I have mentioned some of them are educated beyond their present school grade and they are all interested in going to university. They also were open to talking freely about God's existence or non-existence. I did get a sense that they were much more worldly then I was (I was not necessarily a good girl) at that age. I don't mean sinful stuff, but that they have bigger worries then I did. I did not grow up in war time, nor did I worry about gangs at school. Two of the teens mentioned the “gangs” in their schools and the mentality that you must have a safe group at school to belong to or you could get into trouble and have “No one to watch your back”. This last comment actually came from one of the Christian kids and it indicated for me that maybe high school, young adult ages, regardless of their faith, right now, might actually be harder for them, than it was for past generations.

Were the Teens Open to Talking about Spiritual Issues?

Yes, but as I expressed the non-Christians were so much more alive about it. The church teens were joyless and it made me think that if their bored, does that mean their faith is superficial or has it been presented in a non-vibrant way? Hence, can their faith sustain some of life's darker challenges that they may not have faced yet if indeed their faith is blasé?

Another issues, perhaps, pertaining to the doldrums is the fact that the non-Christian teens seemed to be “proud” of their agnostic and or atheistic beliefs. They were comfortable asking me questions and comfortable holding their own views that were quite different from mine.

Designing a Ministry for These Teens:

First, with the professing believers I would find out why they were so lifeless and find away to cultivate a deeper, fresh relationship with Jesus with them. I suspect that teens often start to perceive a disconnect between the “real world” and their “church world” especially if what goes on in church seems to have no bearing on the way they are experiencing life. I make this suggestion when reflecting on the very “punkish” clothing and or lack of clothing that a couple of the teens were wearing. I suspect they would not be “allowed” to dress that way for church, but in reality it may be the everyday clothes they wear to school. This disconnect, leads to their identity being worked out thorough often judgmental peers at school and church. If pushed to far, they will most likely rebel and stop attending church. We must keep in mind that kids spend more time at school then they do at church and school is often the place they are more influenced by. Furthermore, I would build relationships with the teens by way of an intentional mentoring program. I would connect the teens with connection to others of the church, not just the programs. I would look for creative ways to foster relationships with their peers and with other adults who will care about them. This is something I would also do with the non-Christian teens. Finally, one of the most important things to me is that I live out the passion and joy I have in my relationship with Jesus. If our teens see a vibrant and real faith being lived out and verbally expressed in our daily walk, I think it will go a long way toward helping them consider what an adult faith system can look like.

Did the assignment help me to talk to these people about Jesus?

Yes, but I qualify that yes with the reality that the assignment reinforced for me that that I am not afraid to speak about my faith to either strangers or friends. I am not afraid to say 'I don't know' as an answer to a question and I am fairly quick to add, 'but I'll find someone who does know'. I feel very confirmed that I know presently who I am in Jesus and how excited I am about my faith. Perhaps, excitement is the wrong word, I have great joy in Jesus and I knew that before the assignment. What the assignment clearly did for me was identify that I do not talk intentionally enough to non- Christians about my faith nearly as much as I should do. Most of my discussions about God are with the church kids I mentor, my family, school mates and current mentors in my life. I need to be more intentional about evangelism, but saying that and doing it are two different things. What I need to trust is in what I am called to become and that is to be more Christ-like, a Godly wife, a healthy pastor, and a great friend to all, God puts in my path. Ultimately, I believe healthy ministry can happen everywhere and all the time as long as we are intentionally seeking His Spirit to guide us throughout our day and to being open to Him to leading us to those young or old that need a word of Grace, or a listening ear.

Conclusion

God has a miraculous way of using situations to meet all the needs of people present, even if the original intent of those in a project, for an example, is surpassed. What I am trying to say is that on the that Friday night when three students were fulfilling an assignment requirement God was very present and not just in our conversations with the kids, but for us too. To be very honest I was a little jealous watching Ellen and Angel. Before my very eyes they were glowing from their new found gifts and I affirm both of them have gifts in evangelism and in dealing with youth. I was even slightly jealous of Ellen who “nabbed” the table of Muslim girls-I wanted them!! Thankfully, I found myself responding by taking a step back and celebrating with them and also reminding myself that indeed the night was not just for an assignment. I also reminded myself of the joy I have had when I have discovered my new gifts. There was no reason for me to be jealous, it was not a competition and after all I had done this exercise before (helping a friend with hers. From Tyndale) and have experience in youth ministry. For these two wonderful ladies it was all new and I rejoice not only in their discovery of new gifts, but I was honoured to see their enthusiasm and willingness to serve their Lord. I trust seeds were planted (I wish all my seminary assignments had such far reaching implications) last Friday night, with all the kids we talked to and I know I saw small tips of new life, bursting forth from Angela and Ellen.