Have you ever had a day when you got up in the morning and thought, that's it I can't do this anymore? Maybe your "this" is your job, marriage, friendships, relationships, addictions, emotional and or spiritual struggles. Maybe you woke up and thought the very idea of existing that day was too much? I have had those days. In fact, I am having one of them today. These kinds of days are troubling and I am thankful that they only happen ever so often.
I have a habit of never discussing these kinds of days with anyone because people tend to give unhelpful advice or worse, offer over-spiritual evangelical cliches. Earlier today, someone on the phone said, "Oh well, one day all your troubles will be forgotten, so don't worry so much". I sighed. 1) I am not worried about anything and 2)that person totally disregarded how I was feeling about something in that moment. I also wasn't looking for advice or validation, but for someone just to listen. Today, has been a lonely day and it has even been difficult to pray.
On days like this I have learned it is best to lock myself away, and rest, cry, eat little and sing. Yep, sing. It is through singing gentle songs and hymns that I get through. Right now, the gospel group MercyMe is singing away the song, "I can Only Imagine" and the gospel group Casting-Crowns is singing, "East to West". It is the second song that causes me to pause because it echos my deep dark feelings today.
Have you ever had a day where all you do is cry, doubt, stumble and fumble and over all think everything is wrong? This is me today and there are a whole host of reasons why. Today is the kind of day when I really identify with Jesus. Jesus too had this kind of day. Jesus even went so far as to cry out to his Heavenly Father saying, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachtani?” (which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”). I feel forsaken today.
Now we all know that Jesus is quoting Psalm 22, when he is crying out on the cross and I have heard many sermons about God, the Father turning His back on Jesus and I have heard so many times pastors say, "God cannot look on our sin and He could not look on Jesus". Wow, Jesus was having a terrible day.
But I have also learned to keep reading the rest of Psalm 22 that states clearly, “he has not hidden his face from him, but has listened to his cry for help", Jesus it turns out is actually heard. Ultimately, we see this is true in the resurrection of Jesus where we find that God did not forsake him and there is a promise that I too and you will not be forsaken. It is on days like this when I cannot go on, that I need to remember that God hears me, has died for me and loves me no matter what.
Have you ever had a day when you wondered just who you were? Well let me tell you from the bottom of my heart-just like me, even on days like this, you are someone deeply loved by God. Casting Crowns says it better then me in their song, "Who am I". They sing, "Who am I that the Lord of all the earth Would care to know my name Would care to feel my hurt Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star Would choose to light the way For my ever wandering heart I am a flower quickly fading Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean Vapor in the wind Still You hear me when I'm calling Lord, You catch me when I'm falling And You've told me who I am I am Yours I am Yours Whom shall I fear Whom shall I fear 'Cause I am Yours I am Yours"
Have you ever had a day when you trusted God with all your troubles, fears and sin? Today could be the start.
Until then, I am staying in my room resting, crying, singing and remembering that the God of Jesus loves me too, no matter what!
With teary, hope-filled love,
Pamela
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Merciful, Magnificat Mary
Who showed Mary, the mother of Jesus, mercy? Anyone? Did she need mercy? As Baptists we often see Mary as only a young, virginal girl whom God liked. We don't see her as our Catholic friends do such as, "The Most Blessed Virgin Mary was, from the first moment of her conception, by a singular grace and privilege of almighty God and by virtue of the merits of Jesus Christ, Saviour of the human race, preserved immune from all stain of original sin. Pope Pius IX -- Ineffabilis Deus (1854)". No, we see her as young and in need of as much mercy as the rest of us.
However, if we look closely we also see a women who grows and learns about the son she bore and a life, like us, needing mercy.
We first see mercy offered to Mary when she visits her cousin Elizabeth and that mercy is felt in and through Elizabeth's immediate acceptance and belief of Mary's story of how she conceived her child. The second act of mercy bestowed upon her is when Joseph agrees to marry her, after an encounter with an angel in his dream.
These moments make me ponder, why does she need mercy, after all Mary has done nothing wrong and if we stick to our definition of mercy, from an earlier post (mercy is not receiving from God, what I deserve, punishment) then how is she is offered mercy? What I have come to realize is that when I follow God and participate in His will, it is often a journey that is backwards and upside down thinking compared to the worlds ideas. God seems to call me to do stuff others might not think is right, just like Mary who as a young, unwed girl should not have been pregnant. In her day girls who became pregnant outside of marriage would probably have had to leave their homes and their families. Some have argued that there was the potential of being sold into slavery or of being stoned to death. So indeed Mary was offered mercy (from a human perspective) and this is good news for this mercy protected the lineage of Messiah.
I wonder if any of you have faced an adventure like Mary's, where God has asked you to come out of your cultural restrictions and follow Him in the face of great adversity and if so, who was it that offered you mercy along the way?
This week I have been asking myself to whom did I show mercy, and when did I receive it? When I pause long enough and look into the eyes of the hurt people at Gathering Spot, where I work, do I look with eyes of judgment or with eyes of mercy? Do I see the drug addict who is clearly high on something as a problem or do I see her as a sister? Do I offer mercy? Do I tell them about Mary, the mother of my Lord?
When I read Mary's Magnificat found in Luke's Gospel, I am not fully convinced Mary actually sang this song, but I understand why it was written into her/the story. It is a song that offers an exultation of mercy, celebrating reversals. It is a mercy song we all need to hear, accept and sing along with.
In conclusion, I cannot help but think of Mary on the day they crucified her son, whom I believe she now also knew as her God and Savior. Was mercy shown to her that day? Yes, for "when Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home" (Gospel of John 19). Once again Mary was saved from expulsion, the disgrace of her son being crucified would have made her an outcast in society, just like the time when she conceived him. But more importantly then all of that, the ultimate mercy shown to her was Jesus' willingness to die for her and all of creation. He hung on that cross as an atonement for her and our sins.
If we carry our own crosses this week it maybe because we offered someone mercy, do we ever think of it that way? Does my offering off mercy to someone land me in someone else's bad books? What did Joseph's family think when he agreed to marry Mary? How have I judged this week, with mercy or hate? What I think matters most is that we too in our faith walk with God must come to that place where we can say along with Mary,
My soul doth magnify the Lord.
And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour.
Because he hath regarded the humility of his handmaid;
for behold from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.
Because he that is mighty,
hath done great things to me;
and holy is his name.
And his mercy is from generation unto generations,
to them that fear him.
He hath shewed might in his arm:
he hath scattered the proud in the conceit of their heart.
He hath put down the mighty from their seat,
and hath exalted the humble.
He hath filled the hungry with good things;
and the rich he hath sent empty away.
He hath received Israel his servant,
being mindful of his mercy:
As he spoke to our fathers,
to Abraham and to his seed for ever.
in mercy,
pamela
However, if we look closely we also see a women who grows and learns about the son she bore and a life, like us, needing mercy.
We first see mercy offered to Mary when she visits her cousin Elizabeth and that mercy is felt in and through Elizabeth's immediate acceptance and belief of Mary's story of how she conceived her child. The second act of mercy bestowed upon her is when Joseph agrees to marry her, after an encounter with an angel in his dream.
These moments make me ponder, why does she need mercy, after all Mary has done nothing wrong and if we stick to our definition of mercy, from an earlier post (mercy is not receiving from God, what I deserve, punishment) then how is she is offered mercy? What I have come to realize is that when I follow God and participate in His will, it is often a journey that is backwards and upside down thinking compared to the worlds ideas. God seems to call me to do stuff others might not think is right, just like Mary who as a young, unwed girl should not have been pregnant. In her day girls who became pregnant outside of marriage would probably have had to leave their homes and their families. Some have argued that there was the potential of being sold into slavery or of being stoned to death. So indeed Mary was offered mercy (from a human perspective) and this is good news for this mercy protected the lineage of Messiah.
I wonder if any of you have faced an adventure like Mary's, where God has asked you to come out of your cultural restrictions and follow Him in the face of great adversity and if so, who was it that offered you mercy along the way?
This week I have been asking myself to whom did I show mercy, and when did I receive it? When I pause long enough and look into the eyes of the hurt people at Gathering Spot, where I work, do I look with eyes of judgment or with eyes of mercy? Do I see the drug addict who is clearly high on something as a problem or do I see her as a sister? Do I offer mercy? Do I tell them about Mary, the mother of my Lord?
When I read Mary's Magnificat found in Luke's Gospel, I am not fully convinced Mary actually sang this song, but I understand why it was written into her/the story. It is a song that offers an exultation of mercy, celebrating reversals. It is a mercy song we all need to hear, accept and sing along with.
In conclusion, I cannot help but think of Mary on the day they crucified her son, whom I believe she now also knew as her God and Savior. Was mercy shown to her that day? Yes, for "when Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home" (Gospel of John 19). Once again Mary was saved from expulsion, the disgrace of her son being crucified would have made her an outcast in society, just like the time when she conceived him. But more importantly then all of that, the ultimate mercy shown to her was Jesus' willingness to die for her and all of creation. He hung on that cross as an atonement for her and our sins.
If we carry our own crosses this week it maybe because we offered someone mercy, do we ever think of it that way? Does my offering off mercy to someone land me in someone else's bad books? What did Joseph's family think when he agreed to marry Mary? How have I judged this week, with mercy or hate? What I think matters most is that we too in our faith walk with God must come to that place where we can say along with Mary,
My soul doth magnify the Lord.
And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour.
Because he hath regarded the humility of his handmaid;
for behold from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.
Because he that is mighty,
hath done great things to me;
and holy is his name.
And his mercy is from generation unto generations,
to them that fear him.
He hath shewed might in his arm:
he hath scattered the proud in the conceit of their heart.
He hath put down the mighty from their seat,
and hath exalted the humble.
He hath filled the hungry with good things;
and the rich he hath sent empty away.
He hath received Israel his servant,
being mindful of his mercy:
As he spoke to our fathers,
to Abraham and to his seed for ever.
in mercy,
pamela
Monday, May 3, 2010
Mercy Misunderstood
I heard a song on the radio this week that had a great tune, and a memorable chorus. I caught myself singing along until I took a moment to think about what was being said, theologically. Then I realized I didn't agree or better, I interpret mercy and grace very differently. The singer sang away singing, "His grace is always larger then our sin, no matter how much we sin His grace is bigger". Hearing that I was struck with the notion that I do not put sin and grace together, but mercy and sin together.
For the last few days the many definitions of grace, mercy and sin which I have studied or was taught have rattled around in my head and I have decided to lay them out. What I have discovered is that I have misunderstood mercy for along time and it's time to have clear thinking on the matter.
There are many definitions of Grace, Sin and Mercy. I have grown up and accepted the traditional evangelical ones, but they all seem muddled together with no clear understanding of the role each plays in our relationship with Jesus. They are words we throw around without thinking them through. I have come to believe there is a clear distinction between them.
For argument sake (and lack of space) I will say that Sin is the "absence of peace", absence of Shalom. This is new thinking for me as I always thought and was taught that sin was "missing the mark and I had to turn around and repent". I don't fully reject that former teaching, but I am seeing the "absence of peace" as a much healthier way to view sin, but that is a conversation for another day. I want us to focus on mercy, something I think we have misunderstood.
When do we receive mercy? What is it, who offers it and how? Is it different from Grace, if so how and why? Is it always about justice or is it an act of compassion? These are some of the questions I am attempting to answer, but it is the following question I am struggling with the most, Have I ever really encountered, needed, and fully accepted the mercy of God? I have talked, preached, and prayed through all kinds of grace, but it was not until this season of darkness, this living through Psalm 88, did I ever truly meet His mercy. I can say with honesty, I have now felt His mercy. I realize I have for a long time confused mercy with grace.
Presently, I believe mercy is an act of Divine compassion where leniency and clemency are offered and that means I did not receive from God what I deserved, punishment. Grace, on the other hand is receiving from God His presence and love, guiding me through His sanctification process. That is totally different then having your punishment rendered.
I still have many questions and thoughts on how grace and mercy travel together and I am still processing this season of darkness that I am leaving behind and the mercy I am being shown throughout, which means I have just begun to scratch the surface on these ways of being (grace and mercy) and that means we are going to be talking about this for awhile. Until then, here is a great quote on Mercy from William Shakespeare, from his play, "The Merchant of Venice".
The quality of mercy is not strained.
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
Tis mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown.
His scepter shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings.
But mercy is above this sceptered sway;
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings;
It is an attribute of God himself;
And earthly power doth then show like God's
When mercy seasons justice.
With heaps of grace, mercy and peace,
Pamela
For the last few days the many definitions of grace, mercy and sin which I have studied or was taught have rattled around in my head and I have decided to lay them out. What I have discovered is that I have misunderstood mercy for along time and it's time to have clear thinking on the matter.
There are many definitions of Grace, Sin and Mercy. I have grown up and accepted the traditional evangelical ones, but they all seem muddled together with no clear understanding of the role each plays in our relationship with Jesus. They are words we throw around without thinking them through. I have come to believe there is a clear distinction between them.
For argument sake (and lack of space) I will say that Sin is the "absence of peace", absence of Shalom. This is new thinking for me as I always thought and was taught that sin was "missing the mark and I had to turn around and repent". I don't fully reject that former teaching, but I am seeing the "absence of peace" as a much healthier way to view sin, but that is a conversation for another day. I want us to focus on mercy, something I think we have misunderstood.
When do we receive mercy? What is it, who offers it and how? Is it different from Grace, if so how and why? Is it always about justice or is it an act of compassion? These are some of the questions I am attempting to answer, but it is the following question I am struggling with the most, Have I ever really encountered, needed, and fully accepted the mercy of God? I have talked, preached, and prayed through all kinds of grace, but it was not until this season of darkness, this living through Psalm 88, did I ever truly meet His mercy. I can say with honesty, I have now felt His mercy. I realize I have for a long time confused mercy with grace.
Presently, I believe mercy is an act of Divine compassion where leniency and clemency are offered and that means I did not receive from God what I deserved, punishment. Grace, on the other hand is receiving from God His presence and love, guiding me through His sanctification process. That is totally different then having your punishment rendered.
I still have many questions and thoughts on how grace and mercy travel together and I am still processing this season of darkness that I am leaving behind and the mercy I am being shown throughout, which means I have just begun to scratch the surface on these ways of being (grace and mercy) and that means we are going to be talking about this for awhile. Until then, here is a great quote on Mercy from William Shakespeare, from his play, "The Merchant of Venice".
The quality of mercy is not strained.
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
Tis mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown.
His scepter shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings.
But mercy is above this sceptered sway;
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings;
It is an attribute of God himself;
And earthly power doth then show like God's
When mercy seasons justice.
With heaps of grace, mercy and peace,
Pamela
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Sometimes in the Wind a New Season is Brought
Many of you know I have been traveling through a spiritually dark season, this past year. I have been living in and through Psalm 88 with glimpses of Psalm 20, 46 and 51 throughout. This dark season prevented me from doing any writing and that has been a terrible, terrible loss and deep struggle fοr me.
This entry is my first, now that this season has ended and I invite you as I continue to recuperate from being in the pit, to join me in a new season. It is windy coming out of the pit into the field, but the wind is teaching me things, some I have forgotten and something very new.
I wish I could share with you how the season of darkness ended, but that is between me and God. I do know that I have His permission to share why I entered a season of darkness, but that is a story for another time. Until then, listen to the wind.
With my love,
Pamela
Sometimes In The Wind
Sometimes in the wind I feel and sense things. I hear whispers. When I was a child I could see the wind in the trees, but now my eyes have grown cynical. But sometimes, I still hear and feel things.
The wind is my friend even when it is ferocious and freezing. The wind calls my name and I know God is speaking.
The wind is His tool, a machine of sorts, that purifies, scatters, directs and serves the creatures of the air and forces of earth. The wind destroys as well. Do you recall when the wind traveled with Moses? “Moses stretched forth his rod over the land of Egypt, and The Lord brought an east wind upon the land all that day and all that night; and when it was morning the east wind had brought the locusts." (Exodus 10:13)
Today in the wind I heard voices, someone calling my name. I whispered a prayer of protection as I knew intimately they, the voices were in danger. Their call was heard through the rustling and chatter of twigs and leaves. I felt alarmed at first as if I was being warned of great danger to come, but I knew it was a message for me to pray through and I did.
The wind speaks if one chooses to listen and to hear its wisdom.
The wind does as the Creator says. Do you remember the ancient stories of how the wind blew forth “over the earth and the waters subsided?” For this Noah gave great thanks. And the wind brings forth the things of nature, "The wind blows to the south, and goes round to the north; round and round goes the wind, and on its circuits the wind returns." (Ecclesiastes 1:6 "The north wind brings forth rain" (Proverbs 25:23).
The wind today, and all days reminds me of my faith. The wind is made and controlled by God and although it is something never to be worshiped it is something we can harness, or can we? Recall the story from the Gospel of Mark chapter 4, "And a great storm of wind arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they woke him and said to him, "Teacher, do you not care if we perish?" And he awoke and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, "Peace! Be still!" And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm."
The wind has been created for our good, even when a tempest is threatening to kills us, but we know who controls the wind so we know we can trust. And as W.O. Mitchell once said, “when the tress bow down their heads the wind is passing by”. But I have come to learn and to trust that when the tress are bowing in the wind it is because the Great God of our Saviour Jesus, is moving by.
May the wind of this new season be at my back...
This entry is my first, now that this season has ended and I invite you as I continue to recuperate from being in the pit, to join me in a new season. It is windy coming out of the pit into the field, but the wind is teaching me things, some I have forgotten and something very new.
I wish I could share with you how the season of darkness ended, but that is between me and God. I do know that I have His permission to share why I entered a season of darkness, but that is a story for another time. Until then, listen to the wind.
With my love,
Pamela
Sometimes In The Wind
Sometimes in the wind I feel and sense things. I hear whispers. When I was a child I could see the wind in the trees, but now my eyes have grown cynical. But sometimes, I still hear and feel things.
The wind is my friend even when it is ferocious and freezing. The wind calls my name and I know God is speaking.
The wind is His tool, a machine of sorts, that purifies, scatters, directs and serves the creatures of the air and forces of earth. The wind destroys as well. Do you recall when the wind traveled with Moses? “Moses stretched forth his rod over the land of Egypt, and The Lord brought an east wind upon the land all that day and all that night; and when it was morning the east wind had brought the locusts." (Exodus 10:13)
Today in the wind I heard voices, someone calling my name. I whispered a prayer of protection as I knew intimately they, the voices were in danger. Their call was heard through the rustling and chatter of twigs and leaves. I felt alarmed at first as if I was being warned of great danger to come, but I knew it was a message for me to pray through and I did.
The wind speaks if one chooses to listen and to hear its wisdom.
The wind does as the Creator says. Do you remember the ancient stories of how the wind blew forth “over the earth and the waters subsided?” For this Noah gave great thanks. And the wind brings forth the things of nature, "The wind blows to the south, and goes round to the north; round and round goes the wind, and on its circuits the wind returns." (Ecclesiastes 1:6 "The north wind brings forth rain" (Proverbs 25:23).
The wind today, and all days reminds me of my faith. The wind is made and controlled by God and although it is something never to be worshiped it is something we can harness, or can we? Recall the story from the Gospel of Mark chapter 4, "And a great storm of wind arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they woke him and said to him, "Teacher, do you not care if we perish?" And he awoke and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, "Peace! Be still!" And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm."
The wind has been created for our good, even when a tempest is threatening to kills us, but we know who controls the wind so we know we can trust. And as W.O. Mitchell once said, “when the tress bow down their heads the wind is passing by”. But I have come to learn and to trust that when the tress are bowing in the wind it is because the Great God of our Saviour Jesus, is moving by.
May the wind of this new season be at my back...
Friday, June 20, 2008
Me on a BIke?
So, I finally did it. Paul, practically forced me to get a bike and I did. He really is a good husband!!!
Okay, so here's to losing wait and getting my blood pressure down.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
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